Looking back on 2011

Looking back, it turns out that 2011 was quite an eventful year in the world of the Singing Librarian.  At work, on stage, backstage and in miscellaneous other places, quite a bit happened.

One of the most significant events of the year came less than three weeks after it began, when I started my new job.  Very different to my previous job, it has presented numerous challenges over the past 50 weeks, but I absolutely love it.  I spend quite a bit of my time teaching, either in scheduled lectures and workshops or on a one-to-one basis with students who have come in to seek my help.  With responsibility for the library needs of a large number of health and social care students, I find myself dealing with book orders, attending planning meetings for courses, explaining the ways of Google (and the alternatives to it), opening students’ eyes to information sources and getting lecture halls full of freshers engaged in an interactive demonstration of the old librarian favourite – Boolean operators.  I find my work engaging and fulfilling.  It has its dull moments, its frustrations and even the occasional moment of heartbreak, but I am so glad I’m doing it.

As a consequence of my change of employment, I have also managed to read a lot more this year than previously.  I have about 90 minutes on the train every day and I often read during my lunch break as well.  I have nearly finished reading through all those sad, unread paperbacks on my bookshelves, have raced through Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time epic and have hopped from genre to genre – mysteries, classics and Booker Prize winners have mingled with sf and fantasy, featuring every literary period from the dawn of the novel to the present day.  I haven’t loved everything I’ve read, but I have loved that time when I have little option but to read.  The goal for this year is to finally finish The Count of Monte Cristo and have a crack at Don Quixote and some of the Dickens novels which I’ve never found time for.  With, no doubt, a sprinkling of aliens, elves, sleuths and hapless aristocrats thrown in for good measure.

On stage, I only performed in 2 musicals this year, and one of those only took up a week or so of my life.  In March, there was Into the Woods, my first Sondheim show.  I doubled up as Rapunzel’s Prince and the Wolf, surprising many people with my portrayal of the latter character – not least my new colleagues, who were a little alarmed to see that side of me after 2 months of seeing a much more refined librarian.  However, if ‘Hello, Little Girl’ (the Wolf’s song) was a surprise, people who saw me in my other stage outing were in for much more unexpectedness.  Doing I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change, particularly getting to do it with Lights Up Productions in a manic week of rehearsals just before Easter, is an experience I will never forget.  Referred to in my house as ‘the dodgy show’, it certainly stretched me in unusual directions.  I don’t think I could even have contemplated singing the ‘Marriage Tango’ with any other group.  I certainly don’t ever expect to perform a song in vest and boxer shorts ever again.

However, true to my online identity, I did an awful lot of singing during the year.  I joined a gospel choir which my friend started early in the year, and this group has gone from strength to strength (we’re preparing for our second concert), though we could do with some more men.  Over the summer, I sang in four different concerts and performed an eclectic range of solos and duets – I think that the people who saw my unusual solo version of ‘Gee, Officer Krupke’ from West Side Story probably had the strangest experience, while those who heard me mangle a line of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ in quite spectacular fashion cannot possibly realise how sorry I am for that assault on their eardrums.  I also sang with my church choir at our carol service (the only time we ever have a choir) and duetted with one of my housemates on ‘O Holy Night’ at his church’s service.

I apparently forgot to go on holiday, but as I haven’t been away on holiday for several years now, that’s hardly surprising.  Maybe I’ll manage it this year.  I probably saw fewer shows than usual as well, finding it tricky to combine commuting with supporting local performing societies (though I did make it to a production of Jesus Christ Superstar by Herne Bay Musical Theatre Society which was well worth it).  However, I did enjoy some great shows in London – The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Betty Blue Eyes and a number of productions starring talented friends of mine, including The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, The House of Bernarda Alba and The Producers.  I only wish I could have managed to see more.

In our house, we finally managed to jump through the final legal hurdles following Stuart’s death in 2010.  We filled in the same form twice (though the mortgage company assured us they had not lost the first one, honest) and received many, many letters before matters were finally settled.   We now need to find another housemate, but we were able to play host to a friend while her bathroom was being refitted, so that was good.  Board games are an important part of the life of our household/community (as, I should point out, is prayer – also, food, music and randomness), with Settlers of Catan and Fleeced being the most frequently played.

A first for the year, which occupied much of my time during summer and the early autumn, was getting the chance to direct a show.  This was a frustrating, exhausting, rewarding, painful, exciting and interesting experience.  I discovered that I have some good ideas, but I can’t always express them.  I gnashed my teeth when communication issues arose (as they so often do).  I came close to tears at the dress rehearsal when I handed the show over to the cast and the backstage team, I admired everyone’s stamina as they kept going despite strong attacks from seemingly every conceivable illness and I watched each person’s performance change and evolve over the short run.  I prefer performing, but I will probably direct again.  If only to make sure that I don’t make the same mistakes second time around.

In the autumn, I trained at the London School of Musical Theatre part-time course – 12 Saturdays of intense, sometimes stressful work which was absolutely worth it.  Getting the chance to learn (at speed!) portions of dances from West End shows, to learn about my voice and how to get the best from it, to tackle songs I’d never have thought of singing, and generally to receive training in all areas of musical theatre performance was amazing.  I know I got a lot out of the course, and I am looking forward to putting the training into practice during the coming year.

Strangely, the combination of finding my feet in my new job and attending the part-time course has helped me to know that I am in the right place, doing what I’m meant to be doing.  Regardless of talent or lack thereof, I am not cut out for a career in the performing arts, at least not now.  But I get to do a job where I know I am valued and I know I make a difference.  And I get to perform as well.  I am passionate about performing, but in a quieter way, I am also passionate about my job.  It really is so right for me, and I have no plans to change direction any time soon.

The tail end of the year brought one final delight before Christmas.  My televisual highlight of the year : Frozen Planet.  This was a truly astonishing series, featuring breathtaking camerawork at the extremes of our planet and opening my eyes to an area of the natural world I’d not thought much about before.  I now know that killer whales are worthy of a great deal of respect, that a sealion chasing a penguin is one of the funniest sights you could ever hope to see and that there is a species of caterpillar in the Arctic which survives being frozen solid every winter for several years before it finally gets to take flight.  Amazing.

So a year of singing, teaching, acting, directing, reading, being trained, playing and learning.   A year of change and of the same old thing.  Above all, perhaps, a year of finding my feet and getting a sense of perspective.    Now to see what 2012 has in store…

2012
01/03
CATEGORY
Ramblings
2 comments

In the library on 11th September 2001

Some time ago (i.e several years), I mentioned the experience of working in the library at the time of the 9/11 attacks.  The library serves the main campus of a new university (at the time it was still a “university college” of around 10,000 students, and this would have been just before the start of term.  I had been in post for a year, and it was the day of the annual library staff meeting (a tradition which we no longer maintain due to the perceived need to keep absolutely full service going all year round).  Three staff were left behind in the library foyer to attend to any students or academic who happened to wander in and the rest of us went off to the meeting which was as exciting as such meetings generally are.

Half way through the meeting, there was a change of shift, with a few people disappearing back to the library while those who had been on duty came back up.  Or should have come back up.  Only one of the three made it to the meeting venue, and she looked rather shaken.  When asked what was wrong, she simply said that there had been a plane crash in New York and I’m afraid we thought nothing more of it – plane crashes are unusual and tragic, of course, but not extraordinary enough to interrupt a staff meeting, surely?

The library

The outside of the old library building

It was not until the meeting was over and we returned to the library that we realised how wrong we were.  The first sign that anything was amiss was that the television in the foyer was on – normally it was reserved for Ceefax/Teletext use only, and the volume turned up just once a year (for the Armistice Day silence, which seems wonderfully paradoxical).  A small knot of people was standing watching the screen, and we were told not to go in to one of the offices.  We could soon see what was amiss.  The BBC was showing rolling coverage of what was happening, and the second tower had just come down.  The world was awash with confusion, misinformation and speculation already and it was hard to work out what, exactly, had happened.

One thing we did know was that very few students were on the campus, but the one significant group was a group of exchange students from the United States.  One of those, with links to people who worked at the World Trade Centre, was in floods of tears in the office, being comforted by one of my colleagues, and many of the others had begun to make their way to the library, knowing that two very important things could be found there – people and information.

It’s surprising, but we find that students will often speak to librarians about what troubles them – generally things connected with their studies, but sometimes about life in general.  Perhaps we are seen as safe, neutral people.  On this occasion, though, perhaps it was enough that we were people.  With term not quite underway, the campus had less staff on duty than usual, but one place that guarantees staff presence is the library.  So people began to gather there, in quite large numbers, particularly said group of American students.  For mutual reassurance, and for the chance to talk, speculate and discuss.  Eventually, staff from other support departments came over as well, realising that they could best support the students by joining them where they were.

Information is even more obviously the province of the library, though this was an unusual sort of information for us.  People, particularly the American students, felt the need to know exactly what was going on, what might happen next and what could be behind the astonishing and terrifying events.  This was one time when our specialist knowledge and skills were of no real benefit.  If you want to know what’s happening right now, then everyone with access to media is on a fairly level playing field. Find a news service you trust, and either stay tuned in, or make liberal use of ‘refresh’/CTRL-F5.   Aside from helping you choose who to follow, which can be a rather important decision, there’s not a lot us information professionals can do to help.

On this particular day, I was one of the people assigned to stay late at the library.  In the evenings, we (as most libraries do and did) operated on the lowest amount of staff possible.  On this day, though, our roles were not quite what they normally were.  My colleague who had been comforting a student in the office continued to do the same and similar – she has a big heart, and won the trust of students all the time.  I spent the whole of the shift behind the front counter, with my finger on the refresh button, answering people’s questions.  I don’t remember any normal library things coming up that night, no book renewals or queries about fines, but there must have been.  Life does have a habit of going on no matter what.

By the time the library closed (a bit later than it should have done), most of the students had moved elsewhere.  Those who were concerned about those they knew back home were gradually replaced by the speculators, the people who wanted to know who was behind the attacks and whether there would be more – the people for whom the event was a talking point rather than something with a direct connection to their own lives.  In the years since those events, a seemingly endless parade of conspiracy theories has passed by, but it didn’t take long for those to start.  We certainly had at least one conspiracy theorist in the building that night, long before most of the details became known.  It had been a strange day for everyone, including us.  How often is the library a place that people come together, let alone a place where they come together to talk?

It wasn’t until we had locked the doors of the library that we could begin to react ourselves.  In the hours since the towers had fallen, we had been a source of comfort and information.  We had been shoulders to cry on, sounding boards, listening ears and more.  Now we could be ourselves, start to work out what we thought and felt about events. Looking back, this was one of the strangest days at work I’ve had.  I’ve never felt so helpless or inadequate as when faced with students who felt they had nowhere else to go.  On the other hand, it showed the place that the library has in campus life beyond the provision of books and databases.  Also looking back, it’s the first time I remember following news online as it happened, something which has become almost normal now.  That day is one that most people can look back on and tell you where they were when they heard the news.  It seems entirely appropriate that I was in the library on 11th September 2001.

2011
09/11
CATEGORY
Library
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Time to train

Sometimes people ask me why I’ve never tried to take up performing arts as a career.  There are many reasons for this: I already have a career as a librarian; I’m scared; I don’t know that I’m good enough; even if I am good enough, I know that being good enough doesn’t guarantee success…  I could go on.  Generally the reason that I give is that I know very well that I need training, and I can’t afford it.   It is still true that I simply cannot afford full-time training, but I have finally managed to make myself take a first step and join a part-time training course.

So tomorrow morning, I will start a course at the London School of Musical Theatre (a.k.a. LSMT).  One term’s worth of Saturdays which will involve acting, singing and the ever-scary dancing.  I am both very excited and rather scared (but then, I am scared of pretty much everything, so that’s hardly news).  I want to do this course, because I want to get better at performing, particularly the dance aspect of musical theatre.  Whether it leads to more or different opportunities is essentially irrelevant – I want to improve.  My involvement in musical theatre is much more than a hobby, and I take doing well on stage as seriously as I take doing well at work – that is, very seriously indeed.  But regular readers already know this.

This course is important to me.  I will have to get an earlier train every Saturday than I do during the week to get to work, and a day on the course is the same length as a work day (and probably more tiring).  But those things don’t put me off.  I’ve re-arranged much of the rest of life to make the space and time to do this.  It’s too good an opportunity to squander – training at a highly respected institution, a chance to improve my skills and my confidence, to meet new people (also scary) and to get better at something I love.  I have no illusions – this is going to be hard work.  If it’s to have any value, I will have to push and challenge myself (or be pushed and challenged), and I will probably experience more than  a few moments of frustration when I struggle to pick things up.  I am probably going to have to unlearn bad habits I’ve picked up along the way.  My dictaphone may well wear itself out from overuse.  But I know it will be more than worth it.

Tomorrow morning at 9.30, my stomach will be tied in knots.  But while it’s true that I’m scared, I’m very excited.  This term is going to be exhausting, but it’s going to be absolutely fantastic!

2011
09/09
CATEGORY
Ramblings
Theatre
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Suppose you was a little cat…

I have performed many songs, but if there’s one I’ve performed more than any other, it has to be ‘Mr Cellophane’ from Chicago.  It’s my party piece, the number that gets pulled out when I’m asked to sing outside the context of a musical, and as such has had outings in Darley Dale, Bakewell, Elham, Postling, Canterbury, Whitstable, Newport Pagnell, Dover and possibly other places I’ve forgotten about.  Each time is different, as the circumstances change.  Sometimes it’s a capella, sometimes there is musical accompaniment ; sometimes the audience is largely friends (or at least friends of friends), sometimes they’re complete strangers.  And each time is different because I’ll put a slightly different spin on things, bring out different aspects of the song.

Needless to say, I love this number (music by John Kander, lyrics by Fred Ebb).  It strikes a difficult balance between being funny, being sweet and being terribly sad.  It is the lament of an ‘invisible’ man, who gets passed by in life, feeling that even those people he sees every day don’t notice him.  When I first performed the song (over 10 years ago now), I felt very much like him and I found that singing his story was cathartic.  These days, when I take on the properties of cellophane it is out of choice – there are times when it can be quite useful to fade into the background.  As a performer, part of the song’s appeal is that is builds gradually from a tentative start, taking on more force and power as the character gets more frustrated with the way people see (or rather don’t see) him.  Then, in a stroke of songwriting genius, it drops off again sharply, half way through the final line, ending with a completely appropriate moment of bathos as the man’s normal state of quiet transparency returns.

A little cat

Last week, Mister Cellophane made his most recent appearance in my repertoire. Bearing in mind how many times I’ve sung the song, it ought to be possible for me to perform it in my sleep. However, this was not to be. Having completed the first verse and chorus, I began the second verse. “Suppose you was a little cat…” Then…nothing. A complete blank. My thought process ran something like :

  • “Suppose you was a little cat,”
  • …
  • Oh. Oh no.
  • What on earth comes next?
  • It must rhyme with “cat” and…there’s something about scratching ears, but that’s not yet.
  • Don’t look panicked – look sad, look meek.
  • It’s very quiet…
  • Oh, that’s because P won’t carry on playing until I sing something.
  • I am so embarrassed. What happens if I never remember the line?
  • I ought to make something up.  Something about what the cat does.
  • What do cats do, anyway?
  • !!!  Got it!
  • “Residing in a person’s flat.”

The whole thing can only have taken moments, but it felt like forever. I’m told that it was barely noticeable (the musical director thought I was simply ‘acting’ and other members of the company either didn’t notice or said it was a second or two at most, though that’s still an age in performance time), but those moments were absolutely terrifying.  I’d like to think I’m never complacent when performing, but this was an excellent reminder – no matter how well you think you know what you’re doing on stage, you could know it better and you still need 100% concentration, every single second.

++++++++++

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2011
08/25
CATEGORY
Singing
TAGS



1 comment

Reasons to be fearful?

Crocodiles, speeding cars, noises in the dark.
Thunderstorms, ghosts and ghouls, shadows in the park.
Things unseen, facts unknown. Lions! Tigers! Bears!
Everywhere in life, fears can catch me unawares.

Supermarkets, aeroplanes, being underground.
Fireworks, bubble wrap – unexpected sound!
Do they like me? Am I mad? Have I broken laws?
All around, so much to fear. Thoughts to give me pause.

Making calls, networking, trying out a song.
On the job, on the stage, have I done it wrong?
Making friends, each new step, panic hard to shake.
A simple fix, so hard to do – give myself a break!

2011
08/06
CATEGORY
Poem
TAGS
3 comments

Concert season

It’s the summer, so the population of Great Britain has both umbrellas and barbecues at the ready, anxiously peering at the sky.  In addition to outdoor meals and disappointing weather, the summer tends to bring a whole bunch of concerts with it.  The Proms are on in London, and the prospect of warm weather seems to get music makers and music lovers going.  Over the last two weekends, I’ve taken part in two very different concerts.

The first was with Reach Out Gospel Choir, a group which was formed in January.  I started going because it’s organised by a good friend, and I carried on going because it was so enjoyable.  We’ve been having fun singing a mixture of traditional gospel music and pop songs, with this being our first public performance.  The choir performed diverse material from ‘Steal Away’ to ‘Can You Feel It?’, all in 3-part harmony and mostly with broad smiles on our faces.  My personal favourites to sing were ‘Magnify the Lord’ and ‘I’ll Be There’, encompassing the range of our repertoire.  The first is very simple, a short and catchy piece which shifts up a key after every chorus, and the second is just a joy to sing thanks to my friend’s fantastic arrangement.  I also sang a solo, stepping out of the musical theatre world to have a go at Michael Buble’s ‘Haven’t Met You Yet’, which was brilliant fun to sing.  I may have to delve into his songbook again!

Next was West Side Story From Scratch, which was (as the name implies) put together with a minimum of rehearsals.  In an outdoor venue, we got the audience to join with us as the Jets, the Sharks and their girls as we sang through the score with the help of two very accomplished pianists.  My part in the concert was pretty mad, even by the standards of a year where I’ve been a wolf and sung a song in my underwear!  For the ‘Tonight Quintet’, I sang the part of Bernardo, leader of the Sharks.  I then got to play the Jets (all of them!) in ‘Gee, Officer Krupke’, a feat that involved four different accents and a workout for my falsetto range.  I think I can safely say that it was a unique version of the song, and it certainly got a very warm reception from the audience.  The Quintet, on the other hand…  well, let’s just say that it could definitely have gone better.  But I suppose that’s a “From Scratch” performance for you.

I have the possibility of one more concert before the summer ends.  In many ways, I prefer doing a fully staged show, partly because I do like to have a character to hide behind, but concerts are a lot of fun and I think the audiences generally feel more a part of proceedings, even if they aren’t being asked to join in with some of the songs.

2011
07/24
CATEGORY
Singing
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Belonging

A short while ago, I had a dream with a surprisingly complex plot, a dream which surprised me, when I reflected upon it, with what it revealed about me.  I am now a few months into my new job, and this was the second work-related dream I can remember during this period.  The first thing that transpired in the dream in question was that there was to be a protest – in the current climate of cuts to higher education, rising tuition fees and changes to pensions, this is not exactly unusual on university campuses, but this one would involve both staff and students.

In my dream, I said I couldn’t join the protest because I’m not a union member, so would be continuing to work in the library (which the protest was right outside) for the benefit of those students not protesting.  However, things soon escalated and the protest grew volatile.  I had to ensure that some students on the roof didn’t cause damage to the building, and I had to quell some violence in the car park, where some cars were being attacked.  My dream self confronted rioting students and persuaded them not to vandalise the staff cars there, as they may well belong to their fellow protesters.  Things continued in this stressful and frightening vein for quite some time, until the protest was finally over.

For slightly unclear reasons, I felt terrible about what had happened, and when the other staff members were returning to the library, I went and hid.  However, when I came out of hiding, a group of them (including more senior members of staff) were waiting for me to say that it didn’t matter.  I was presented with some sort of membership card which proved I was now truly a part of the team there – they had even brailled it, so that I could show it to both of my housemates.

It doesn’t take a genius to work out that my subconscious mind was/is clearly wrestling with the question of belonging, and whether I fit in at the new library – it appears that my mind is telling me that yes, I do belong there. However, it has struck me since that the dream has wider application than the obvious one, as I have a tendency to worry and wonder whether I belong in other environments. In some of my performing contexts, my awareness of my lack of training makes me doubt whether I fit with the others in the cast. In some social situations, I feel on the sidelines and wonder whether that’s OK or not. Recently, I’ve been in this position more frequently than usual, so it is no surprise that the issue of belonging has been bubbling away in my subconscious. Perhaps I need to take my lead from the dream’s conclusion and start telling myself that I am not an outsider. I belong.

2011
05/28
CATEGORY
Library
Ramblings
1 comment

Standards and abilities

Today one of my friends retweeted something tweeted by singer-songwriter Aimee Mann – “My standards are higher than my abilities.” I know what she means. Or at least, her tweet strikes a chord with me.  It’s part of the reason why I needed to write the posts named Changing my mind and I can do this last year.  It’s the reason why I probably ought to read them every day.  It’s the reason why I’m very rarely pleased with the work I’ve done on stage or in a workshop in the library.  I have high standards for myself, standards which I’m extraordinarily unlikely to achieve.  Mistakes that the audience would never notice are a reason for self-criticism.  Workshops where anything goes wrong are obviously my fault.  I feel the need to meet and exceed any and all expectations which might have been placed upon me, and then there are my own expectations on top of that.  And add all of those together, and you have a target I cannot reach, for I am not the actor, educator, singer or person I want me to be.  My abilities are not enough to meet my standards.

So should I lower my standards?  I think not.  If I stop wanting to get better, then I’ll simply stop getting better, and possibly stop caring.  Perhaps I need to recognise more that my standards are high, and go easier on myself for not meeting them.  And who knows, maybe one day my abilities will grow enough to meet my standards.  And that will be a most wonderful day.  And knowing me, I’ll raise my standards the very next morning!

2011
05/17
CATEGORY
Ramblings
1 comment

Voting ‘yes’

On Thursday, the UK goes to the polls for a variety of matters.  There will be elections to the Stormont Assembly in Northern Ireland and to the Welsh National Assembly and the Scottish Parliament.  There will be many local council elections, a smattering of mayoral elections and a by-election.  And across the nation (or is that nations?) there is the referendum on our electoral system.  And in that referendum, the Singing Librarian will be voting ‘yes’, because he would like our system to be changed from “First Past the Post” to “Alternative Vote” (AV).  Actually, that’s not true.  There are many better options than AV, but these options are not being presented to us, and AV is the better of the two on the table.

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2011
05/03
CATEGORY
Ramblings
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What does a librarian do all day? – revisited

Some months ago, I wrote about what I actually get up to at work.  Since then, I have had a major change of job, though still within the world of higher education librarianship, so I thought it was about time I updated this to reflect my new role.  My job function is known by many different names in many different universities, but essentially I am a subject librarian, with my particular subject specialism being health.  This is a surprisingly broad area at my place of work, encompassing various branches of nursing, along with medical imaging, dental practice, occupational therapy, midwifery, speech and language therapy, cardiology, operating department practice, paramedic science and (soon) minimally invasive surgery as well as health administration and other areas of professional practice.

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2011
04/29
CATEGORY
Library
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